Stats?

Blogger is now telling me how many people are viewing my page... My question is, is it counting my own? Cuz then I'm not so worried. It's not like I have a billion views. I was just surprised by the number it said I had. And I'd rather this blog live in anonymity in a weird way. Probably because these posts are shallow and rambling.  Idk. I should get back to homework...

Dinner

Yet another reason to hate my family.
        Every night there's the discussion of what's for dinner. Where are we going, what are we ordering, what are we going to make? The problem is, no one ever goes fucking grocery shopping until Friday and only ever buys enough food to make for the weekend because the grandkids are here. Nevermind the rest of us that have to be here for meal times. There's milk, eggs, and random collections of half eaten moldy meals from I don't know when in the fridge. It doesn't matter how many times I clean it out either. I feel they're somehow transported in from other family's fridge. Your hotdish from two weeks ago that you thought got pushed to the back of the fridge actually fell through a portal and landed in mine. Oh and it looks and smells disgusting, thanks!  Then there's the fight of are we gonna go somewhere or order something. I try to call my mom before she leaves work to figure out what's for dinner. So if I decide on something she can stop on the way home because god forbid she could come home and then we or I drive somewhere else. That would mean using precious pogo gaming minutes. And points and whatever the fuck she's not earning.  It's good to have a hobby but this is an obsession. I mean sure she doesn't really do anything else with her life, but maybe she could hang out with all the friends she says she has. I know there's one woman she hasn't talked to in years! She should call her and get stupid Bloody Mary's or something. But no, comes home and sits at the computer or lays in bed on her laptop. Oh! And gets this! Complains about her weight. Uhhh... How about we use the treadmill for more than a play place for the grandkids?! I just don't get it. And one walk at 1.5 mph or maybe 2 mph for maybe a mile or 2 isn't going to burn that many calories, how about you speed it up! And do it more often!   In my walking gym class we had to be walking at 4 mph in order to burn enough calories and do all these other exercises (squats, push ups, etc) but she seriously doesn't do anything. I know I'm not a size 2 but I try to eat healthy...it just sometimes loses to ice cream or hot dogs and I try to go to the gym as often as possible but I have class m-thurs and work almost every weekend and have to study. Soon I'll be starting my second summer class and will have even less time and I'll want to see the boyfriend when he comes home... So I may not be at the gym as much as I want but at least I know how to go to the gym.  I'm sorry but it's a proven fact you absolutely can NOT lose weight by eating more calories than you burn! Simple scientific fact. Call me a bitch but it's all true. You can't lose weight sitting on your fat ass and wishing it to go away. I know, I have tried and some days I still try. But it only goes away if you put in the work and effort. I just want to get out of this hell hole! I don't care if I can't afford to eat, I need to get out of here before I turn into The Hulk and start smashing things. And hey! It'd help me lose weight! Lol kidding.   ...kinda... But I do need out.

Shitty day

A. Read my post from yesterday, wow autocorrect and blogging while watching tv do not mix well haha.

B. today sucked major balls. Class was cancelled, I didn't remember UNTIL I got to school. Then I went to work because the manager for today skipped town. I understand she had majorly upsetting news; however, I just don't understand why she didn't leave AFTER her shift today. Maybe it's just me but I consider that common sense. So we struggled through the day. It was bad. The place didn't get burnt down but it wasn't good. :\   Now I'm trying to take a nap but I can't sleep because I have this fear that the boyfriend will call and I won't wake up to hear my phone and he'll be stuck at the airport or he'll have to call someone else and I won't get to see him. Also every hour that passes and he's not home or hasn't called to say he's coming home I get more and more anxious that he won't be home for my birthday. I know that sounds so spoiled and so stupid when there are people whose husbands and wives are deployed to war zones where they are risking their lives every day and won't be home for a year if not longer. Or people whose loved one has died and is never coming home. But I was so excited because he was going to be home for my birthday... Yeah I understand shit happens but I can't help how I feel no matter how illogical and selfish it may be.

Damn

So. The boyfriend is supposed to be home this week. And I'm super pumped but I work every damn day except Saturday and now they want me to cover a shift then too. I love the dogs but it'd be a little much... I just wish I could drive down there and pick him up and not have to wait for them to finally put him in a plane. I knew it'd be a bunch if hurry up and wait but this shit is really getting old and I'm getting irate. I have tickets for us to go the Twins game in my birthday and I'm getting nervous he won't be home. And if he's not I might be writing some hateful fucking letters. Because this is just some bullshit.

Oh and to make things even more awesome, I have fallen completely in love with a foster puppy at work. His name is Spots and he is by far the smartest, and cutest, and cuddliest, and gentlest puppy ever! I get sad every time I have to leave him. I know I'll cry when he gets adopted because I want him to be my puppy. I already kinda feel like he is my puppy... Except the problem is I'm too poor to not live at home and my parents are dead set against a dog. But I know if my mom spent 5 minutes with my Spotsie she would love him too. But no!! I'm just so angry. I have no boyfriend, my cat is an asshole, & not really any friends... The only person I've connected to lately, isn't a person, but a darn dog and I will be working enough to feed him and pay for his shots. The only thing is exercise but he'd get to come to work with me for free so that's not an issue. I just want to be even slightly happy... Not pissed off all the time. I know there are way more important things to worry about in this world. But right now, I kinda don't care. Give all my stuff away. Take away my house and my closet, and my shoes. I will still just want Spots. I am willing to adopt him and live in my car, he will be perfectly taken care of, me not so much. But he won't ever go hungry. I just wish my parents saw that I am a competent adult and actually put thought into their answer not just saying no.

starting over

I cleaned out my blog. I want to start over. no more whining about boys. I just want to write and express some things in something that no one will read. or some anon people may read and be bored with since I dont write anything really worth while.

Realization

I hate everyone. It's not like they seem to do anything outright to piss me off. I just want to go live on the moon. In fact I have thought about writing to NASA saying that I would more than love to be sent off to the moon to live out the rest of my life. I would be ok as the guinea pig. I'd be alone. Maybe it all started with my managers essentially telling me they never thought I've been good at my job which is total and complete bullshit but I don't and won't like them now. So I informed them I will be taking the month off while I figure out if I want to continue working there. Then I got a new job and there is this one bitch in particular who is constantly just giving me dirty looks, unless that's how her face looks! But it seems more than that. And I haven't said more than two words to her but her dogs are fucking stupid. And need to be trained about 200 times better. They never ever shut up! And the manager already fucked up my schedule. It's not rocket science. Apparently she just is lazy and doesn't care. Then comes my family. My dad is so lazy it's ridiculous. He won't even make his own dinner, at 65 he refuses to cook or clean anything. My mom is too busy playing pogo games to do some stuff. My brother sleeps all the time. For instance today i had to watch his demon children and make dinner while he was literally asleep on the floor. I wanted to scream. I can't watch a 6 yr old and a 2 yr old and make dinner and make sure they don't get into trouble or wake up their dad. Since that would just piss him off.

     But on to a lighter note that boyfriend I was talking about.GONE. Got me a new one and I really like him. He's currently at basic but will be home soon and I am so excited because his is easily my best friend. I have been so lonely since he left all these friends I thought I had never talk to me. One in particular was all "We'll hang out a lot! I'm here for you!" but then when I've texted her she INSTANTLY texted back "sorry. busy." and still hadn't answered another question I asked a few minutes before. I was so shocked and just said well fuck that. And now all she posts about is how her boyfriend is the love of her life and all that shit. It makes me want to barf. But good-ish news. The boyfriend will be home soon. He got medically discharged and said the latest he'll be home is the 7th. I'm keeping my phone on loud at all times in case he calls and says he's coming home. because I will drop anything and everything to see him. I'm that excited! He's my best friend and keeps me sane. He knows exactly what to say n do when I want to just punch everyone.

a week?

havent talked to someone in a week... i really wonder if i should be suspicious or not... i really want to creep on his fb, but i feel like ive been there a lot and idk...i just dont want to obsess but theres that part of me that really wants to and really wants to just creep hard core... idk... maybe i should continue waiting? im not sure... i think i will wait im not sure... its best to wait and not come off as creep and a stalker, i just need to keep reminding myself that.

i just need to chill and not obsess and not creep. just breathe i mean its like 10 days till Christmas maybe things are crazy for him right now... i seriously need to stop going to worst case scenarios but idk last time we hung out it felt different... so maybe things are different maybe i scared him away... idk i give up im jsut gonna focus on the two classes i have left and work. pick up a hobby...something i need to just chill he'll probably talk to me when he has time. admitedly i shouldnt have bought him a video game for x-mas though... lol

TIME TO FIND A HOBBY! lol